the truth is not out there

Just heard Virginia Stasium for the first time. Wow. I have been replaying these words over and over all day long. She was talking about abiding (living) in the presence of God, and how that can be done. First, she talked about letting go any other image of God other than love. Anything else says Sister Virginia is a human projection on God. I have to let God be God and see him as love—nothing else—which means seeing myself as His beloved and dropping anything that would tell me that I have to look to become something else. Wow. But then the real trip begins when she says:

God’s love sustains us. God’s love is the very Breath of our life. And the miracle is: God is that close. God is already at prayer in you through God’s Spirit. And the reason we rest in God, the reason we become quiet, the reason we take some solitude, is to connect to God’s prayer which is already being prayed by God’s Spirit within us.

So we don’t have to find God. God has already found us. We do not have to look for God. God is close. God is here. And so we become, when we connect to that prayer of the Spirit in us, we are the tabernacling presence of God. The temple is here. The temple is within.

And how often we allow life to remove us from that, and we go seeking for God. We go seeking. So again, we ask you to center, to allow—to give time, to give space, to give place to that prayer within you, so that you can access the wisdom and truth of God praying within your heart.

And whatever noise, whatever little baby sound, whatever car—it’s all one—it’s just life. So again, we ask you to place your feet on the floor, close your eyes, and rest in God—connect—let your head sink into your heart and connect to the prayer God’s Spirit is praying within you.

So after I go over this time after time, I call my friend on the phone. He tells me he's had a revelation today. I ask him about it. He says he realized sitting in Denny's having breakfast that true prayer does not originate from him. He says that the best image in nature is moonshine (which is another interesting trail). The light of prayer originates from God, and is only captured, reflected, connected with.

I was stunned. What do I do with that? It sounds kind of like "the reason we take some solitude, is to connect to God’s prayer which is already being prayed by God’s Spirit within us". Amazing. All the planets are lining up.

But I don't want to leave this thought too quickly. I have long believed that somehow the Breath of God (the Spirit of God) intercedes for me, that when I don't know how I should pray, the Breath of God intercedes for me with sounds that my words cannot even express (Romans 8 talks about this). But somehow I got the idea that mostly I pray, but sometimes when it gets really desparate, and I finally am at a loss, then the Spirit sort of takes over for me. Kind of like switching to auto-pilot I guess. Man! That is not it at all. The Spirit of God is living in me. He's as close as my breath. And He "always lives to make intercession for me". If it's me praying, it's not spiritual—it's soulish.

Prayer then is to forget myself, my worries, my cares, and find God not out there but in here praying for me. I've heard it said, "Prayer is the work. Ministry is the reward for the work." That may be true, but I think it's too general. Prayer itself is not the work. The work is entering into prayer. The work is to quiet the madness so that I can connect with God who is 24x7 praying inside of me. When I try to take some solitude, that's when all my demons and accusers show up. That's when all my attempts to justify and answer for myself rise up. As Henry Nouwen says,

Solitude is not immediately satisfying, because in solitude we meet our demons, our addictions, our feelings of lust and anger, and our immense need for recognition and approval. But if we do not run away, we will meet there also the One who says, "Do not be afraid. I am with you, and I will guide you through the valley of darkness."

Prayer is that. That being led by God's Spirit that happens when I let my head sink into my heart and lisen. That forgetting of my self and becoming one with God in spirit and in truth.

How many times have I been asked to or heard someone else be asked to "lead us in a word of prayer". It sounds so holy, so religious. But who's going to ask the very Spirit of God to lead us in a word of prayer?

As much as I like the X-Files, the truth is not out there. The truth is in here.