things don't happen like they should

I was listening to this guy called in to a radio shrink. It wasn’t Dr. Laura. It was some Christian man and woman team. The guy was talking about how he was having problems with his 15 year old son, and asking advice. It was a classic case. The host asked him how he was connecting with his son. The guy was stunned. He said he tried to talk to him, but his son wouldn’t listen anymore. The female host interrupted. Yeah, so you’re talking at him and it’s not working. The male host reinserted himself – I asked you how you were connecting with your son and all you could come up with is that you talk at him, but he doesn’t listen. How else are you connecting with him right now? Silence. Poor guy. He couldn’t think of anything. The host tried again. What activities does a 15 year old boy like to do? You could go to a movie together. The caller said his son didn’t like movies. He likes to hunt. Aha! But the times for hunting is spring and fall, and that’s when I’m on the road. The host kept going. He said this was a classic case and started lecturing the guy. I got embarrassed for him and turned it off. The host was right. But there was something else that’s maybe deeper.

Until we realize that things don’t happen like they should, we will continue to be frustrated and confused. We will continue beating our heads against the wall. Teenage fathers should speak to their sons, imparting wisdom, giving them the benefit of their failures and successes, so that the sons don’t repeat the folly of their fathers. Teenage boys should listen to their fathers and respect them. Dad’s shouldn’t have to travel during the times their kids want them the most. Kids should like movies and books that their parents do so that they can share their love of them, and of the great ideas that those stories convey to us. Parents should share in the carefree life that comes naturally to their children. Everyone should have enough time to do everything they want. Love should envelope everything. Should.

But things don’t happen like they should. Not all the time. When they do it’s like an early thaw or a snow flurry in June. When they don’t it’s not because somebody didn’t follow the rules, and they’re screwing up my perfect life. It’s just because things don’t happen like they should. That’s the world we live in. It is made of thorn bushes and sweat and pain in bringing forth offspring. And the sooner we accept this, the sooner we can get on with living.

Yes, your son should listen to you. But if not, you still need the connection. You need it almost as much as he does. So you will have to figure out a way to connect if he doesn’t listen. You may have to listen instead of him. It’s not that it’s right for you to listen to him. And it’s not like someone needs to write a new rule. That’s no the point. The point is that things don’t happen like they should, and we have to live and love anyway. So, we walk humbly. We give up on some of our ambitions. We accept things as they are. I know this is very un-American. But it’s true life.